So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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