butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
