I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
