This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
