He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
