Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
