I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The beer is more important than you right now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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