Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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