Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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