East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
