Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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