hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
