i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
