I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
