Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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