Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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