I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
