The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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