So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
