Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
