what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
