Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
