Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just cropdusted the office
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
