i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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