This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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