what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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