I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
