I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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