I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
