2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
