thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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