Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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