I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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