um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
