The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
