If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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