apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
sex in a hospital.. check
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
