Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
