note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ttyl tear gas
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
