Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
