im holly from the hills drunk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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