Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think my vagina is haunted
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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