He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
