Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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