I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
