Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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