apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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