i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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