Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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