just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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