my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
